Issue 4.1
Greetings Loyal Reader:
On the morning of April 13th, three long years ago, Phillip Macintosh awoke and prepared a breakfast of French toast, ham and potatoes for his wife of 11 years, Suzette Macintosh. Philip served the meal to his bride in bed. The bedroom was walled on three sides, floor-to-ceiling, with shelves of collectible dolls: Cabbage Patch Kids, Barbie, My Little Pony, and the like. After serving her, the petite 150-pound social worker from Humble, Texas dressed himself in a fine white seersucker suit, white patent leather loafers, and a large bow tie. He then returned to his wife, stuffed a Nanook Alaskan Husky Beanie Babytm down her throat, and strangled her with the keyboard cord from an Apple computer.
It needs to be said here that Suzette Macintosh was as every bit as broad as Philip was small. She was not an obese woman, but rather a figure of Amazonian stature: six feet tall, 180 pounds, and with the shoulders of an iron-worker. Mr. Macintosh’s conquest of the she-warrior was a feat of no small proportion. Forensic investigators later discovered the room in complete shambles. The shelves that lined the room like seats in the Coliseum were nearly completely destroyed. Knocked from their vantages, the audience of toys watched the violence with their googly and painted plastic eyes from disorganized piles about the room.
After killing his bride, Philip dressed her in a fine gown with blue sequins and made up her face and hair. He sat her at the table and put on a 12” Stan Goetz LP.
Philip made a day of running all over town to find the finest ingredients with which to make a celebration meal. He was seen at three local markets and a butcher shop where he purchased two steaks as thick as lumber. To accompany the entre’, Philip prepared scallops with a bacon mornay, and a salad with homemade apricot vinaigrette. The appetizer was a pumpkin bisque. The Girl From Ipenema played quietly in the background and Philip took his early dinner, which he finished off with a chocolate liqueur.
Philip Macintosh calling had been in sales, namely support undergarments for women, a position which he had married into. Suzette’s father had founded the attire company a generation before and blazed his way to upper middle class. As well, Philip repaired computers on the side.
This case begs a question for me, loyal reader, what leads a man to become a killer? What makes a diminutive girdle salesman with a taste for Spanish saxophone jazz and gourmet cooking one day slay his wife of over a decade?
This brings me to the first of a handful of important announcements for the S&S.
We are proud to announce that we will be offering to you, the loyal reader, our first one-on-one interview. Mr. Macintosh is currently residing at the Tindale Correctional Facility which has been kind enough to grant us access. Stay tuned in the upcoming weeks for a milestone in the history of the Sword and Scales.
As well, please take a look at last month’s GQ for an article by yours truly. There has been talk recently about a certain periodical picking up the Sword and Scales as a regular contributor. This of course would be a monumental step for our little column. So keep your fingers crossed, loyal reader.
And as always...
- truth will out. W. Shakespeare
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