The screen fills with a simple font: The
Pillar Non-Denominational Church.
Smaller letters, in the same basic font, fade in: Spring Break Youth Blast! A Fire on the Mountain!
The sound of singing.
A song coming to an end, followed by raucous applause. Cheers.
The sound of a crowd buzzing, the occasional young person yelps.
White letters fade to a black screen. The black screen fades to a stage. Two young men and two young women – singers –
exit a stage awash in red and blue lights.
The red and blue yield to a spotlight and a man in a sports jacket and
jeans takes center stage. A woman with a
walkie-talkie and clipboard approaches and leans in to talk over the
clamor. A young man approaches a group
of teens milling about the front row and one of the boys welcomes him with an
unrestrained, full-bodied hug. The man
and woman agree on something and the man begins to speak into the
microphone. “Ok, everybody, let’s gather
on in,” the man says. He beckons the
young people to find a seat. The man
welcomes one and all to the Spring Break Youth Blast. The words “Fired up!” and “Awesome!” find
their way in to the dialogue more than once.
“Special treat,” says the man. “A
special guest, called in from out of town,” says the man. “Please welcome Kris Whitlowe,” says the
man.
A handsome mulatto cat saunters on to the stage. He has a guitar, a Bible and holes in his
jeans. A vibe throughout the
audience. So it is possible to be cool,
good looking and spiritual. If ever there was a role model, this guy was
it.
Raucous applause.
“Fired up. Awesome. You
guys are the heroes.” The preacher
tells the kids to take a seat; he’s been studying a lot about Abraham, he
says. Jokes. The kids love him. Acoustic guitar. Who knew you could play Audioslave on an
acoustic, in a church. Adoration. Mutual adoration. The preacher’s eyes radiate an affection for
the kids with a sincerity that can be felt even through the screen. So let’s get to teaching, alright!
Abraham. Let’s talk
about Abraham. Let’s talk about
devotion. Examples. What are other kids doing during Spring
Break? You guys are the heroes. Abraham takes his son, probably a teenager,
just like you all.
A pause. For effect?
Where is the ram, father?
But see God told him . . . to sacrifice his only son.
Another pause.
But see, it’s just like his Son, and it is about obedience,
and trust, and so the boy asks, Where is the ram, father? And Abraham ties the boy down. And Abraham raises the knife to the sky, in
order to kill his child.
The mulatto raises his hand, as if to slay the child.
See . . . he ties his son down, right . . . because he was
commanded . . . and it makes sense because . . . he raised the knife, right?
Like this . . .
An awkward silence.
Not that I would ever do that. But it’s an illustration, see? I would never . . . it’s an illustration, I
mean, not an illustration, but a test. I
mean God would never really ask. . .
The preacher’s eyes radiate an ache for the kids with a
sincerity that can be felt even through the screen.
He was probably a teenager, just like you. Pause.
You know what? The preacher sheds
tears. I think maybe . . . This is all *eeeep*, isn’t it?”
A curse word!
Politely bleeped out. It was the
first curse word that the preacher had spoken in six years. Scandal!
A wave of hushed and giddy murmurs through a crowd of adolescents. Did he just say what I think he said?
I’m sorry. I am just
so, so sorry. You guys are just so
wonderful, and special. I get it, you
know. But I don’t get it. I would never
conceive of lifting a hand to any of you.
It just smells like *eeeep*,
anymore, you know? Curseword #2 in six years’ time.
I’ve been thinking about this for a long time, guys. And you see, this moment, this moment in the
history of Mankind, is – is fought over,
is killed for. This is the moment that
they want to own, the moment when a man says that he is willing to kill his
kid, to kill one of you. Christianity, Islam, Judaism. This is the moment.
Throws Bible violently across the room. Smashes loudly into drum set, knocking down
the high-hat.
So this is what a breakdown looks like. Slow motion and in the flesh. Falling apart, live and on stage foryour
viewing pleasure.
My job is to protect
you! I will always protect you all. I would never let anything ever bad happen to
any of you. This . . . it doesn’t make
any sense anymore. It’s *eeeep*, *eeeep*, *eeeep*! Words three, four and five.
No more murmuring.
Only a crowd aghast in stunned silence.
Pounding on the podium. The
frustrated tears of a confounded man.
The man in the sport coat, the woman with the walkie-talkie and one
other portly man, from out of frame, gather the preacher up and deliver him off
the stage. The black silhouetted heads
of kids in the foreground swivel madly in hot gossip. Did you see that? What just happened? Did you see?
Did you see?
Nothing happened here, folks. Nothing at all. Let’s all rise and sing. To
Canaan’s Land I’m on my way – where the soul of man never dies – and there will
be no parting hand – where the soul of man never dies –
Fade to black.
Underneath the video window, comments:
Frodo9fingers
OMG, this is hilarious! Preacher-man dude totally lost his junk. Re-posting this for sure.
faeriesarereal
ROTFLMAO!
Dubmaster1989
dude this is not reeelly that fuuny cuz I used to know
this dude and he wuz cool i hate to see that happen to him he wuz serously a
cool guy I wonder what happend to him
alphamail
Just make her stop and this can all go away.
No comments:
Post a Comment